Panic! Whistler is for sale

News is in that Whistler resort is to find itself well and truly plopped on the auction block come 19 February unless naughty parent company Intrawest LLC find some spare change to make up for missed payments on a $1.4 billion loan.

Let's ignore the irony for the minute that one of the exasperated impoverished lenders is Lehman Brothers (you'd think they of all companies could cut a defaulter some slack) and think about the effects this could spell for mountain biking and its mecca. A totally unverified and unnamed source close to Whistler that I made up but who could easily fill in for any desperate news organisation, said: 'It could well be goodnight Vienna.' Meanwhile a spokesperson for Intrawest LLC - and let's face it we can probably trust them just as much - said: 'No foreclosure has happened. We are looking forward to the Games.' Remember them, the O-L-Y-M-P-I-C-S. The winter sporting event, the summer version of which doesn't include DH. Ah, now you're with me.

If we're honest, nothing will happen. BUT. Check this. In a public notice, the group of lender companies stated: 'Each qualified bidder must be a financial institution or other entity that has the financial wherewithal to purchase the membership interests in immediately available funds on the closing date.' In other words: blah, blah, blah. Or, WE CAN BID FOR WHISTLER! Now my mate Benji who is a superb journalist of immense disrepute, recently bid £350 for West Ham. He didn't win it but they were pretty worried for a bit there. So, let's get involved!

How cool would it be to own Whistler? If I owned the resort I would immediately make Wednesdays (because they can usually dowith some jazzing up) a compulsory Led Zepp appreciation day. No need for getting your headphone chord wrapped around your saddle - just listen to II powering out across the treetops.

Having solved the soundtrack crisis I would then outlaw any clothes by Altura. Sorry, just not a fan.

Hand wipes in cable cars would be quite good. Not for my hands but for my face as I always seem to end up wiping the crap from my gloved hands across my head.

Absolutely totally free all week demoing on any DH bike. Financed by Lehman Brothers.

Sorted.